So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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