Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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