"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
