i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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