she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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