So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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