Pants 0. Shit 1.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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