were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
