I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You're like the curious george of whores
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
