Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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