dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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