Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
