You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Your mouth is God's brothel.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
