Is it normal to miss your booty call?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
