Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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