I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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