He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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