the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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