I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
