So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
