We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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