I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
