I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize