he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize