before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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