I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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