On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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