We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i believe in u and ur pee
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
