i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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