Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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