So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
