Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
