Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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