We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
