He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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