distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
