oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
