I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
