Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
