get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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