I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
