11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
