I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
