Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
