Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
