It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
