And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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