i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
the liver wants what the liver wants
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
