I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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