When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
