so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
