We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
