I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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