20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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