his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Text me some of your sweat
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
