actually, I'm a sock model
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
