Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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