you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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