i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
