dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
